Embrace the Blessing

ETB 47: Embracing the Voyage ~ Navigating a Cruise Vacation with Special Needs Young Adults with Mary Ann Hughes

• Sandy Deppisch • Episode 47

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ETB 47: Ever thought of how daunting the prospect of going on a vacation with special needs children might be? Imagine being a single parent to two wonderful boys on the autism spectrum and deciding to embark on a solo trip. That's exactly what my guest, Mary Ann Hughes, courageously did. Mary Ann's incredible journey of managing a cruise vacation with her sons is filled with insightful experiences and practical advice. We talk about the pre-journey preparations, making dining and accommodation comfortable, and special tips and tricks for sensory-sensitive children.

Mary Ann's accounts are filled with realism and honesty, making it relatable for every parent or guardian navigating through similar paths. One of the highlights of our conversation is Mary Ann's well-thought-out use of social stories to prepare her boys for the trip. We delve into the details of how she ensured a smoother journey via cruise, considering the comfort of consistency that it offers for her sons and many other families. We also share the importance of headphones and locating quiet spots, making the experience enjoyable for sensory-sensitive children.

Mary Ann talks about her business, Special Family Transitions which was birthed from her personal experience of navigating through the challenges of special needs divorce.  As a certified divorce coach she is able to provide guidance and support to others who find themselves in a similar situation.

Lastly, we shed light on the wealth of resources that are available for families with special needs children in the process of transitioning from school to life after school.. From private to public and church-based programs, we navigate through the sea of options and offer guidance on how to make the most of these resources.

 It's a heartening conversation filled with useful advice, personal anecdotes, and hope for those in the special needs community. Join us for an episode that promises to inspire, educate, and offer a fresh perspective.

Connect with Mary Ann:
Email address: Maryann@specialfamilytransitions.com

Website: https://www.specialfamilytransitions.com

Special Family Transitions Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/specialfamilytransitions

Special Family Transitions on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/specialfamilytransitions/

Special Family Transitions YouTube channel:
https://youtube.com/@specialfamilytransitions

And here is a low-priced 1-hour course Mary Ann developed for moms of children with disabilities to learn how to plan for success in a special needs divorce:
https://maryannhughes.mastermind.com/masterminds/37115

Connect with Sandy:
IG: https://www.instagram.com/sandydeppisch
Embrace the Blessing Facebook Group: http://bit.ly/ETB4ME
Website: http://www.embracetheblessing.com/

Sandy Deppisch:

Hey there, i'm Sandy Deppish, and this is the Embrace the Blessing podcast. Each week, i talk with a parent who has a child with a disability. They share their biggest challenge, their greatest joy and their hopes and dreams for the future. You'll learn about resources available to you and discover helpful hints and tips. If you want to be inspired and encouraged, stick around. Let's walk the road less traveled together.

Sandy Deppisch:

Well, Mary Ann, i am so excited to have you back again today. You know I was looking back at the past episodes. You have been a guest twice already, so this is your third time. Thank you for that, because you have so much wisdom and I just love your perspective on things, so I'm thrilled to have you back. You were here in December of 2021 when you introduced Special Family Transitions to us, and then you were back in August and you talked about amazing ways to find respite care, which you had so many helpful hints and tips. So those of you who have not seen before or heard her before, you will have the pleasure of hearing all about the wonderful things that she does, but you can go back and check episode 11 and episode 39 to hear her other recorded messages. So, before we get started into the meat of the conversation. I would like you to introduce yourself to those who haven't met you before and tell us about special family transitions and about your boys.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Great Thanks, Sandy. It's a pleasure to be here and happy to be here for the third time and hopefully more to come in the future. But so my name is Mary Ann Hughes. I'm a mom of 2 kids on the autism spectrum. I call them kids, but they're young adults, but they're always my babies. And so several years ago I was faced with divorce unexpectedly and made it my mission to get the best result I could. I managed to get through the process and got a good result for my family. but I decided other families shouldn't have to work so hard to get through divorce and figure out what to do to navigate the process and what to do for their kids. So I started Special Family Transitions, became a certified divorce coach and now I help other people who are facing those challenges so they can figure out what to do and save time and effort also a special energy in the process as well.

Sandy Deppisch:

I love that you took what was extremely difficult for you to walk through, I'm sure, a situation that nobody wishes on anyone and you turned it into something to make a difference for other people. That's just so admirable. I love it And I'm sure you are making a big difference for a lot of people who probably, when that happens, it's usually unexpected And oftentimes people are overwhelmed and they don't know where to turn. I'm sure it's hard enough for anybody, but when you have children one child and you have two that have special needs, have differing needs explaining all of that to them, trying to help them through that while you're walking through it, there's just so much involved. So much to this.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Exactly So many pieces to figure out how it all works together so that the end of the day, you come out better and your kids are okay as well.

Sandy Deppisch:

Right, yeah, and you are doing well now .

Mary Ann Hughes:

We're doing great. Yeah, thanks for asking. Yeah, it was a long, hard road and we've all learned a lot, and I think that's how we learn things in life. We've got to go through some hard times. I'm not that I wish hard times on anybody, but definitely it was a growing experience. And here I am today talking to you on a podcast when back in my old life I didn't thought of doing that.

Sandy Deppisch:

Yes, I was going to ask. Tell us about the hat.

Mary Ann Hughes:

So the hat. so you talked about having a discussion, sharing some tips on my recent vacation. So, as a single mom, i made a big leap. last year I took my first airplane vacation with them, on my own, without any help, and that went well. And so this time I decided to go on a cruise first time as a single mom going on a cruise and I'll talk about how I manage that. So I got the hat for the cruise theme and I got to also admit it's been a crazy summer. Literally this is the first day that I don't have my kids with me on a weekday, and so I haven't had time for my hair. So that's the other secret reason. Not so secret now, but yeah, thought to be kind of fun.

Sandy Deppisch:

Yes, I love it. So back up for a second. I'm still like stuck in the spot where you talked about you took to both of your sons on a plane by yourself. That to me is terrifying. to think of taking my son by myself on a plane I don't think I have the courage to do that. How did you do that? How did it go? Explain the process.

Mary Ann Hughes:

It went really well. I mean, there's moments where things don't go exactly as planned or expected, but we have been several airplane flights before. Okay, in the past, and the way I prepared my kids for that was I created social stories. I think we've talked about social stories. That may be a past episode, yes, but every time we go on vacation I created a social story so we'd know what to expect, where we're gonna be staying, kind of what we're redoing, so they know kind of what's gonna be happening. And the very first time I went on an airplane, that was a very scary time. I wasn't sure how to approach that, and so a lot of my social story was about going through the airport, what it looks like to go on a trip, expected behaviors at the airport and the airplane And once we get to our destination and so, yeah, i've been kind of taking that Every time we do something new, i kind of use that approach to kind of let them know what's coming next, what this like, so that they're part of the process.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Like, okay, well, this day my mom said we're gonna be doing this Right. As simple, as elaborate as your child may need. Some people may use more pictures. I combine text with pictures on my download of off the internet or maybe of us, of people that maybe we're traveling with or going to go visit, so that way they can see them ahead of time too, as relatives they don't know. Or if they do know them, it's kind of fun to look back on those as a memory as well later on.

Mary Ann Hughes:

And so yeah, so I carried that concept over. Even in divorce, I use a social story to explain the divorce. And so, and now for our crews, I had one of those as well.

Sandy Deppisch:

That's just such a genius idea And you have shared that before and I haven't taken that into consideration. And I really need to do that, because there are some times where I'm exposing my son to some new experiences and I tell him about it, but the visual is so important. And now I love Canva. I don't know if you're familiar with Canva, but now you can go on Canva and just create whole videos and add your text well, not your texture voice to it, so you can tell the story, and then they could listen to the video and play that over on their iPad. So that would be a simple way for me to do. I love that. I hope you get a way to do that.

Mary Ann Hughes:

I haven't done that. That's a good idea to do that That way they can. They don't wanna read it on a hard copy. You can just narrate your own, which is a great idea as well.

Sandy Deppisch:

Yeah, yeah, just the preparation, knowing what's gonna come. I remember with my typically developing kids when they were little, I used to again, it was telling, not visual, but I would tell them this is what we're gonna do, we're gonna go to the grocery store. When we get there, this is the plan, here's what you will do, here's what I will do, here's what your behavior will be like when we're there. And then in the car, i would tell them again, and then, when we're in the store actually doing the thing, i would say remember, we talked about this and this is what you're doing and this is great. And then when we would leave on the way home, i would say you guys did it. That was amazing And it came so naturally to me to do that with my typically developing kids.

Sandy Deppisch:

But I'm just stunned that right now, even with you telling me twice on the show how great it works, i don't think to do that with my son, but I will. I will moving forward. So, yeah, that's awesome. So you felt empowered by the success of the solo trip on the plane and you took the cruise Was that? out of Galveston?

Mary Ann Hughes:

It was, and that's probably the reason for going on a cruise and using that type of route is you wanna find a port that's convenient to you. So I mean, granted, there's cruises that go out of West Coast, east Coast Florida is a big hub for cruises and granted, they have some nice destinations that they go to, but then you've gotta add a trip on top of a trip, and so that's too much. And so if I'm gonna go on a cruise, at least in the immediate future or near future, is gonna be out of Galveston. I'm in Houston, so we just drive down there, park and get on the boat.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Basically, Now I will say this time I did it differently. I thought, okay, let me save the trouble because there's so many moving parts of doing this, let me get a ride to the airport. So I had somebody pick us up, drop us off and that works well. So you can either do it as a volunteer or a paid service, because really you're gonna have to pay for parking anyway. So just pay a little bit more, maybe, and have someone take you, so whatever works. And then if you are gonna take your car, then you find a parking garage to park and then they have shuttles to drop you off at the terminal. So either way works out, depending on who you're traveling with.

Mary Ann Hughes:

In the past we've traveled with extended family, like my mom and her sisters or something like that. So I've had in the past and I had my spouse at the time, but we had young with disabilities and we had older people to deal with as well. So it's managing that, but if you can. But we learned our lessons, i guess, over the years. So when you have an elderly person or someone who has a physical disability, whatever age they might be, or any kind of disability as well is, you can ask when you first make your reservation. Let them know that and they'll be in your record, as well as any kind of dietary restrictions.

Mary Ann Hughes:

But once you get to the terminal, just go to the agent who's standing there in the front of the by the main doors, and you don't have to stand in the long line. So they'll let you in. And once you're in the terminal they'll take you basically to the front of the line So you don't have to stand in the long line for security, x-rays, all the check-in process. So basically, it was pretty amazing. We were dropped off and by the time we were dropped off to the time we were on the boat, it was 15 minutes, which is a Amazing, that is unheard of.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Yeah, and so we chose an early check-in time. So I recommend that and you wanna do that for a couple of reasons, and the biggest reason to me is that you get on the ship early and so, instead of having your lunch at home, you can get on and enjoy the ship, eat lunch while you're waiting for your luggage to come on and go to your cabin, and so that's. Another tip is, if you don't have very much to carry and if you have two cases with wheels, it might just be easier to carry them on. But we checked ours in and just have like an extra backpack with you of things that you might need for the first couple hours until everything gets on the ship to your cabin, which they'll deliver. But that helps.

Mary Ann Hughes:

And getting off the ship is we just went ahead and took them off directly because we had usually we have overpack and I have way too many bags. This time we had limited it, so that way we were able to get right off the ship, get off quickly. Once again, ask for the special needs type of provisions. Even though my son's like, why are you cutting in lime mom? I'm like, no, we're not cutting in lime, permission, it's okay. So anyway. So that helps Just a little bit of a time saver tip there.

Sandy Deppisch:

Yeah, i'm glad to hear that they have those accommodations in place. It makes sense that they would, but I never really thought that through And the idea of trying to take a child with intense support needs, in our case onto a ship like that was overwhelming to me. but it sounds like it's doable. They make it as easy for you as possible, which?

Mary Ann Hughes:

is really nice. They do. Yeah, they've been over backwards just being nice to you and helping you on any way you can And how does.

Sandy Deppisch:

I'm sorry. How does it go with the meals, because you can either do the mind time dining or you can just eat at any time. Did you sit down in the dining room? Did you do the buffet type meals? Tell us a little bit about how that worked for you guys.

Mary Ann Hughes:

That's a great question. So I gotta tell you, one of the favorite parts about cruises for one of my sons is the food. I mean, if we're on a cruise, we're just enjoying. We did both the phase dining, sit down, all kinds of things, and you get your food really quickly. And so I remember and this is, of course, as much as you want whenever you want it, all kind of things And we get home I remember him sitting at the table saying food. I'm like, yeah, i want my food too. Who's bringing it to me? So yeah, we kind of get spoiled being on vacation and being on a cruise. but back to real life, that doesn't always happen that way. So that's one thing we like about cruises, and so what we've done in the past is for breakfast and lunch we do the buffet, because we don't like to wait, and then for dinner we have the reserve dining time. That's really important to do because that way you're sitting at the same table, you have the same wait staff and you can put in your special orders. So they kind of know how your family works and what you like, and so that to me my family worked out best.

Mary Ann Hughes:

I will say, on this cruise we did a little bit differently because we were part of a larger group. It was for my son's kind of a graduation celebration cruise And so for dinners we would do kind of on your own time diming, which I don't recommend for several reasons. One of it's a large group. It's gonna take you a long time to get seated. You've got to make your looking for that cycle Also like going to a restaurant. When your party's there they'll seat you and they got to find the table. Especially with a large group it's hard to do. And then part of that was one of my sons was not happy about having to wait and then having to wait for their food. Because if you order on the table and you order what we would do because we had dietary restrictions, so you end up ordering the night before for the next night's dinner, really. So you're gonna get right away.

Sandy Deppisch:

Wow, I did not know that. that's huge, That's very helpful.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Yeah, yeah, and then they go big ugly as well. But yeah then, yeah, the longer dinners were a little harder for us, so I brought a helper. I figure, okay, there's a lot going on. And I still wasn't comfortable, right, you know, as I would have been on the. Our plane train was wind of as a family, so it was more controlled. This one. There's a huge ship and too many ports and too many moving parts. I really wasn't comfortable at this time going by myself with my boys. So that worked out well. So I had a helper come with me. I'm a caregiver And the way we did that is doing two cabins that had a joining room.

Mary Ann Hughes:

There were joining rooms And so which also gave us joining, opening up the balcony. So we had a really nice balcony And that was nice to have extra space Grant. In the past we've only traveled in one room, and it's fine. This time I was like, okay, let me just spend a little bit more, instead of all squeezing in one room, we can have two rooms and enjoy it better. And that worked out well.

Mary Ann Hughes:

We're gonna have our downtime and so on. So if you can do it, great, if not, one room works just as well.

Sandy Deppisch:

Right, that's a really great idea. I remember on our most recent cruise we did the my time dining And, just like you said, we waited many times in a long line. That was just my husband and I. But the other thing about it that was very interesting, i loved it, but I don't think I would love it if we had our son with us is that we sat at a different table every time. It was wherever they had space, and oftentimes it was with brand new people. There would be eight people at the table and we would just be the joiners, right, and so it was great for us because we had conversations and met some amazing people, But I imagine, with individuals who like consistency and structure and routine and need to know what's about to happen, that's not a comfortable situation. Did you guys have your own small table each time, just your family and the caregiver, or were you other people joining you as well, because other people joining us.

Mary Ann Hughes:

We did have that, so I would have preferred that. Initially, on my reservation, we had that, but it was in a different dining room and it became too complicated to do So. this time we'd be like, okay, i'll just kind of go with the group, but I won't be doing that in the future. Actually, i would recommend that if you're gonna go in a big group, have all of you do reserve time dining And that way you can really request a sit down or at least or have one table at that time. That way you're avoiding the long ways. And you mentioned about consistency and routine. That's one reason my family loves cruises. It's basically a resort on the ship right on the sea, and so everything is consistent. You've got the same room, you've got the same hopefully table waiters. You kind of know what to expect, what the routine looks like. But it's nice. You have variety in terms of maybe on the ports, getting off and seeing different things.

Mary Ann Hughes:

But everything else is kind of the same and consistent, and that's part of the appeal of a cruise, opposed to a vacation where, like each night, where are you gonna stay? What are you gonna eat? Trying to find food that your kids will eat. I know when we've done that in the past. Sometimes it works well, sometimes it doesn't, because my son is kind of pee and not every restaurant is gonna have what he needs or what he decides he wants to eat in a vacation.

Sandy Deppisch:

Those are really good points. So the next thing that's swirling through my head is what about all the sensory stuff that happens on cruises? because there's nonstop entertainment. I love that. They give you the calendar on the app all the activities that are available to you, and oftentimes when you're just walking through the ship, it's noisy. There's a lot of lights, there's a lot of action. How do you handle that if you have a sensory sensitive child?

Mary Ann Hughes:

Yeah, so what we have been doing for years is my son will carry his headphones. In the past it was harder to get him to use them. Now he'll put them on when he needs them. So we always have them on our person And when three times we forgot them, we had to run back to the cabin to get them. But I would have those if you need them. So the way we tried to do it is we didn't go to the really loud areas as much as we could.

Mary Ann Hughes:

I mean, granted, sometimes you have to cut through the casino or whatever. That's kind of crazy. But we tried to find spots, like in the buffet area, that were more quiet And that's so spread out that really it's not a problem. You can get your food done pretty quickly, except the exception on that is the Mongolian grill. Whenever we seem to do that one of my sons loves that You're in line forever, especially if you're on a port day. I guess watch us a sea day. But if you're on a port day, if you do it at the right time, you can get in and out quickly, which my son tried to do, and it was still a long line Anyway. So we carry the headphones And this year they were old enough that we were able to go to the call it on the Chronicle, the Serenity Deck.

Mary Ann Hughes:

So the adult age With the pool, in our case this ship, it was just the hot tubs, but it was nice because when you go to the main deck and the big pool if several main pools, they're really loud You got kids running around, people drinking, all kinds of commotion going And that can be too hard, especially around the water slides and all that. So we found that it's a nice little escape to be able to go to that other area. And then if your kids are younger you can't do that. That's the first time we've done that. So yeah, just kind of find times off, peak times to do that. And then that kind of leads to the discussion about excursions. So in the past we never did a ship excursion because we thought that would be too hard to manage, too much sensory and big group and try to get up and crowded places. So in the past we would either just get off the ship and just walk around. If a support where you could do that Or what we did, especially when we traveled with elderly family members, is we would ahead of time hire a van, book a service that they would take us around, and that way they give us a private tour. You're not in a rush, you already arrange what you're going to be doing, you have a set price And that just makes life so much easier.

Mary Ann Hughes:

This time we thought, ok, let's try the excursions for the first time, and the main reason for that is my son wants to go to a place in Chichen Itza. He's really into these archaeological sites in Mexico and attractions and so on, and so there was no way that on our own we could have done that and guaranteed to be back in time and not have the ship leave without us. So the nice thing about ship excursions that they'll wait for you, right? if the bus is running late, they're not going to leave without you. So we don't want to take that chance. We went ahead and did it. It was actually a nice trip And we enjoyed it. Now I will say it was hot. So he wasn't expecting that And I'm glad we did it. And what I'd recommend also is bring plenty of snacks with you, not be what your child will eat, either on the bus or when you get to your destination, and just to make sure that you have enough water and things like that. So that was the one day I think.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Two trips we took with another excursion just to keep it low key. So we don't want anything like too many moving parts. So we did an open tour bus ride kind of thing, taking one to different sites and things and going to the beach. That was kind of a lot. There were moving parts on that. So maybe I would have maybe done something a little bit with fewer moving parts on that. But yeah, that was the one day after one of the excursions that I think, as of the long day and not having enough snacks or water and just all the activity he did get worked up that day. So I'm glad especially that day I had help to help calm him down. But overall everything went really well.

Sandy Deppisch:

That's excellent. These are all such great tips. I was curious about the excursion, so I'm glad you talked about that, because it's often difficult to navigate. Just the ride to the place you're going to end up at Can be long And yeah, and there's a lot of pieces to all of that. So, yeah, you've got some really great tips there. Not that you're probably even aware, because I know. When my son was younger, i used to be hyper focused on what are people thinking about us in this moment, when there's maybe a meltdown or when things aren't going well. Now I don't even notice it. It's just like I'm involved in what's happening and I'm more concerned about making sure my son is calm and calming down than being concerned. But how were other people on the cruise towards you and your family? Were there? was everybody kind and gracious? I mean, the staff obviously were, but did you have anything that maybe wasn't pleasant And, if so, how did you deal with that?

Mary Ann Hughes:

No, so I think overall we had a pleasant experience. Like you said, everybody on the ship was great. Once in a while people might give you funny looks But, like you said, as you get to a certain age you don't really care anymore, right? So that's a black and white. for somebody recently dealing with diagnosis is it doesn't matter if people think of you, just worry about you and your child and getting through that moment, having fun. But people, if you want, you get to the time to educate them, if they have a question, or if you want to share, but don't feel like you have to share, right, people may overshare or sometimes it's helpful.

Mary Ann Hughes:

I've had people come up to me. This was an occasion situation, but one time my son had a meltdown at Costco And so I had people both give me looks and also ask me if I needed help. So it depends, right, you can look at it as an opportunity to educate them about a disability. It may not be a visible disability, right? I mean you look at my son, you wouldn't know It's a disability. You're wondering why is this 16-year-old on the ground having a fit? So, yeah, you just learn to kind of roll it, do what you can get through that moment and then move on.

Sandy Deppisch:

Yeah, exactly, and so it sounds like it was an amazing trip. You think you'll do another cruise.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Yeah, i think so. I think next time, though, we will do the reserve time dining, and yeah, this one was group, so I think there were a lot of moving pieces there, so I think maybe just a smaller group or just our family might be a better way to go on that. But for people who are kind of afraid to do it by themselves, there's a company called Autism on the Seas that will support you and help you and provide caregiving, assistance and group meals and respite, so that the parents can also have some downtime.

Sandy Deppisch:

That's so nice.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Yeah, that's why I brought my helpers. You're constantly on watch, especially on a cruise, And I needed like, if I'm going on vacation, I want it to be a vacation, have a little bit of downtime. Thanks, right, And we're together. But for the few times I needed just time alone or just to walk around the shops or go get my pictures. I knew somebody was there.

Sandy Deppisch:

My kids were going to say Yeah, that's a really great idea to bring a helper along with you. So tell us about your boys and the transition that both of them have just gone through, and what life looks like for all of you moving forward.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Yeah. So both my sons graduate from the respective program. So my older son aged out of public school. He's 22 now, so that's the end of official school where IEP is, and all that. And so for some time I had been thinking about what the next steps would be, and a few years ago when I was in my divorce, trying to investigate different options. So I had looked at different ones and honestly I knew some were not going to be right for him and some I didn't know if he would be able to get into or how it would work out. So luckily we applied to one, had a trial and it was successful, and so we're still waiting on our start date. It should hopefully be in just a few more weeks, but we're excited for that date program where they're really active with them taking them out to the community.

Mary Ann Hughes:

So it's not. I mean, some depends on your situation and what you're looking for. There's some and you have to go to go visit them So see what they're like. Right, that's the best way to make a decision is see what they do and see where you and your child you know if you'll come with that You can always make a change too.

Mary Ann Hughes:

So you know, i joke that every year we have to reevaluate and kind of make plans for the next year. I think that's still going to be the case, right, right, and maybe you know, things will change, people will develop in different ways, and so, yeah, that's the hard thing is knowing. There's not one right answer. Things can change for whatever reason. So, yeah, kind of go with what you have and the best choice for now, and if it's not the right choice, then you'll know, and then you can make changes later. And then my other son, my younger son. He was able to get into a program at the University of St Thomas. He was in the first class at the time where they developed a program for students with learning differences, and so it was a two-year associate program and he just finished data And now citing news where they're going to start a bachelor's program as a continuation of that. So he's going to be the first class of that bachelor's program too.

Sandy Deppisch:

That's so exciting, Oh my goodness. So what is he studying?

Mary Ann Hughes:

So it's a program that you study. It's kind of like a I don't know if I know, but it's like classes across the board, everything from pays into urban planning and emergency management. So they got some of those classes the classes for other interests as well, some political thing So they have a set curriculum, but you can also. What they've introduced now as part of this bachelor's program is you can select a minor And so with that you'll actually take a regular university class. Wow, so that's something new for us.

Mary Ann Hughes:

So it's so fun to get to know how that will look. So you'll take maybe one class in that minor in the general population, as you're still taking the ones in your cohort.

Sandy Deppisch:

Okay.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Where you're in the set set, set, set set curriculum, so that makes it fun.

Sandy Deppisch:

Wow, yeah, that's so exciting. Well, so back up to your older son that aged out of school, so it's a day have program that you're speaking of. So talk a little bit about that, because how did you find I mean, you say you have to go visit them How, if you're in this situation and you need to find a day have, like that, how do you go about researching those? Where do you? does somebody present you a list and say here are the ones in the area? do you have to Google it yourself? Like, how did you start that process?

Mary Ann Hughes:

That's a great question because it's hard to get that list And everyone is going to have different recommendations. So one way is to ask at school. There should be a transition specialist there And that person did provide some names of some places that they recommend. maybe they visited them, they know about them, have had success sending people there. You know, after school I found that list wasn't really comprehensive and maybe not up to date with some of the maybe more recent and new programs out there, but definitely it's a start. You know there's a lot of Facebook groups, as you know. As you know that we're on where people will provide information.

Mary Ann Hughes:

It was my intent to try to share a lot of that information and what I will do in the future. So I've shared information about like college programs and post high school programs for educational ones that I haven't done the day have once. But all the ways I learned about them, as well as going through resource fairs Sometimes I'm presenting at those and sometimes I'm just there just learning And even the ones I'm at, i select to walk around to the different booths and meet different people and learn about the different resources. But yeah, there's still so many and I have learned about, you know, ones that are not on this by going to these resources, these resource fairs. So there's, there's private ones, there's public ones, there's church based ones, there's different things out there, So no-transcript. And also I've had luck where our transition medical transition clinic. The social worker there provided a list and that was a pretty comprehensive list as well. So I'm happy to provide information and you can connect people as well to some of those And I'll go ahead and put them together eventually. That has different lists and so on and how to reach them. But yeah, there's so many out there And so some of them, like I mentioned, some will take waivers or waiver, yes.

Mary Ann Hughes:

So that's another consideration. You know you wanna wait for this for years and years and they don't always come up when their child ages out of school. So then you gotta figure out, okay, what can you do? There's some of them will take private pay, but some of them won't. There's also through your LIDA. So ours is Harris County, the Harris Center, where they have some programs. So you have to apply ahead of time all these things you gotta do ahead of time. So start thinking at least a few years before. And so, whichever LIDA that you work with, let them know, if you have a case manager and if you're not ready in that system, you know, get signed up, because you don't have to be part of the waiver to do that. There's another way to get into the system directly through those organizations, and so they have things that they can offer as well. So that was a long answer to a question, but there's so many resources out there and there's not one central database as it gets to the problem.

Sandy Deppisch:

Right, right. And so when you went to visit, you call them, make an appointment, i assume Did you go by yourself, did you take your son with you to see how he felt about it? What did that look like?

Mary Ann Hughes:

Yeah, the first time I went by myself I researched it, kind of went to the website, kind of learned a little bit about them And for the ones that were interesting I would make appointments to go visit. And so usually they're real good. Sometimes they do group tours, sometimes they'll do individual tours, so depending on the location. And then a couple of them, i thought that I liked I brought my son for an appointment because they left to screen them And so at the time I was going through divorce, for instance, like a you know Brookwood which is like the premier place, i took him to Sisi and they're like no, we can't really accept him based on his behavior. So you have to go to the right fit. I mean some, i mean you're all supposed to be for disabilities, but there's different levels of care and then the population and the type of individuals that they can best work with.

Mary Ann Hughes:

And so that was really frustrating.

Mary Ann Hughes:

It's like you know, what do I do, right, you know, this is even the private pay. One won't even take them, and so that's what was real weird about what the future would hold. And so, luckily, he's made so much progress over the years. That's not the one we're going to, but two years ago he wasn't going to be a fit this other one that we visited And now he made so much progress over the years at school that now he is a candidate for that.

Mary Ann Hughes:

And so part of that is, while you're in high school, be sure that they put your child in a provocational type program, transition type program, where they go out into the community. They learn the skills even in the classroom about how to do different tasks. But the longest time they didn't want to put him in those programs. They're like no, he needs to work on behaviors. Like well, okay, well, we're only going to get so far with that. We have to have some skills now, and so, luckily, this past year he was able to be in a 18 plus program. They have different levels of those in my district, and so two days a week they will go out in the community, like to the food bank and places like that And they would learn those type of skills, and so I think that helped him a lot to show that he could be in this other place where they also do things like that.

Sandy Deppisch:

Right, yeah, that's fantastic. Those are excellent programs and they definitely have their place in the schools for those who don't want to leave the school at 18 and they want to stay in until they're 22. Those are the 18 plus programs are amazing.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Yeah, well, i have one thing on that. So I've heard from a lot of parents that they're getting pressure from the school district to leave at 18. And so, no, it's your right to stay. So just keep that in mind. I mean, it's your decision. But I've seen a lot of cases where we're saying, no, you're best leaving, and so if you're going to do that, make sure there's something out there. Make sure you've looked at what the next step is, because you don't want to just kind of fall off a cliff at 18. Like now, especially if you don't have funding. What do you do? You don't want to just graduate to the couch, as they say, right. I mean, i think to see too many posts of people like that. They're just like a child at home, a young adult, and there's not a place for them to go And they're just not doing much, and that's. We don't want that. That's kind of sad.

Sandy Deppisch:

Right, exactly, that's a very good thing to point out. So if you are getting pressure to leave at 18, start planning at junior high what the plan is going to be, but also advocate for your child. Like you said, it's their right to be able to stay until 22. So don't feel that pressure that you have to leave. Yeah, again, you just have such a wealth of information. You're going to have to do some more amazing adventures so you can come back on and tell us how we can navigate those in the future. But for those who want to reach out to look at your website and to find out what you're doing, i know you've done a course recently. Tell us quickly about that And then I will link in the show notes all of the resources that you share with us so that people can find you.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Yeah, i appreciate it.

Mary Ann Hughes:

So my website is specialfamilytransitionscom and you can find me under all social media special family transitions, and so the course that you're referring to I appreciate you mentioning that is a one hour mini course of the top tips you need to get through divorce when you've got a child with disabilities, to be successful in a special needs divorce.

Mary Ann Hughes:

So I took my knowledge, my experience, things that I learned, as well as my learnings as a coach in a really low price, quick, easy digest format so people can kind of figure out what to do and then figure out what their next steps need to be. So I have also free resources as well and I can also offer one-on-one coaching based on your situation. But, yeah, definitely, that course is such a low price point and I think it's a Let's, let's tap or anybody who's going through that I did want to add to. So on my cruise although I did have one day where I woke up early and Was able to stand on the balcony and make little mini videos about some of the tips that we discussed and some more. I haven't posted them yet, but I will, so look for those. I'll try to Also send you a link when those are ready.

Sandy Deppisch:

But so yeah, it's kind of fun to what a great idea Yeah, yeah great idea to make a video and and back to your course. So I would think that that's a great first step for people, because I'm sure there's a lot of apprehension and fear and overwhelm, and so Having something like that to say, okay, i can breathe, here's some actionable steps I can take, but then to reach out to you and have a hand to hold through the process from somebody who's been there, who can coach you Through, i think that would be invaluable. So I love that you offer that service. I hope that nobody ever has to use it, but I hope that if they do, they come to you.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Because I'm not, you know, saying people should get divorced and I advocate for it. I'm there. If you're facing divorce for whatever reason you mentioned earlier in the conversation, which was my case as well, is that sometimes unexpected? but sometimes it's the mom who Reason things you know aren't right in the relationship. There's a lot of issues that a lot of times women are the ones who file for divorce, and so You know you want to do what's me right for your child, and sometimes being in the home That doesn't have all the stress and conflict is better for that child. I think it's hard for real to someone else to really accept that. But but really you know You want to do what's best for the child else, for the child first, no matter what, and then you know How can the mom and dad get through this process to do what's best for the child and then co-parent effectively. That's that's the best you know situation.

Sandy Deppisch:

Exactly, and and the rate of divorce among special needs I heard something recently around among families that have an Individual special needs is like 87% Eight. I don't know if that's real, that's what I saw on somebody's post, but that's staggering. And So, yeah, people definitely need support to work through that process and, and like you said, to get to a healthier place where There's not chaos and there's not stress, because the the needs of the child need to come first. And, yeah, i love your outlook, i love your perspective, mary, and you are delightful, i love having you on and I definitely will invite you to come back on again any last tip or word of wisdom you want to share with us.

Mary Ann Hughes:

Yeah, just make time for you. So part of the reason for the hat is I haven't had time to take care of my hair. I just have fun for the, for the, the cruise theme. But, yeah, take care of yourself, to cure your kids and you'll be okay. Yeah, every day, you know, we learn something. We help our kids get better and we get better along the way as well. So absolutely.

Sandy Deppisch:

Thank you so much for being here. It was a joy having you. Thanks for listening to the embrace the blessing podcast. Visit Embracetheblessing. com/ podcast for show notes and links to any resources mentioned. If this has been beneficial to you, please share it with a friend or post it on your social media pages. Join me next Wednesday for more inspiring stories from people just like you.